Day 40

It feels never-ending all this, all this COVID-19 business. We are on day 46, I am a key worker, and I am trying to relax this Saturday alone with my thoughts. After a month, I miss my colleagues, my work, and the forward motion of life. I go through days of feeling totally fine and days of feeling totally blank, borderline depressed. One friend says we should try and have hope that things will get better, other friends say that the lockdown can not possibly end until we have a vaccine, and that is months and months away.

What will it feel like to be finally free of all this? Will we all go insane and have this incredible party?

I have so much time to do things in, but it is a lot harder to motivate myself to do them. This came as a surprised to me.

Every so often I look at the news and hope that lockdown will be lifted. I know it was for the greater good, but at the same time, there are other costs. There have been so many costs. 

Did any of us think in January that COVID-19 was coming? 

So in my spare time, I go to online seminars which are both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because I am reminded of my love of knowledge, and a curse because I am reminded of my love of knowledge. I contemplate all the more practical things I could be doing like sorting out boxes, but I never do them. 

My other project is running. I seem to be going further and further, faster and faster which is wonderful. I had shown no signs of being able to do this at any point before lockdown. I never realised it might have been because I had poor running shoes, I just through I was a poor runner. So at least I have a little COVID 19 self-discovery. 

...

I haven't been ill since February. For a time it felt like the whole world was ill apart from me.